Hard work

The Job:

About four weeks ago I made the decision to quit my job. It felt like a huge leap of faith, and it was. Cataloging the vast array of emotions, thoughts, and "what if's" I've had since then would be exhausting, so to sum it up: I've been humbled. I suppose its common to leave college with hopes, dreams, and aspirations to really make a difference in the world. You're ready for adventures, full of life and wonder. Then you undertake an adventure of your own, and you realize very quickly that the story you've stumbled into isn't as easy as you had imagined. In fact, it's actually quite difficult. You have to work hard. You have to struggle. You have to get your hands dirty and do some serious work before reaching the part of the adventure that everyone wants to be a part of.

Where I work.

I still agree with myself about God wanting us to have a job that we love and find meaningful or for that matter a life that we love and find meaningful, but I didn't take into consideration that I may have to put in some real work to get there. I started work a week ago at a horse barn in Houston. My first day was filled with hanging out with kids and horses, and I was loving it. I got to come alongside the kids and teach them and encourage them, and it was great. But then I was assigned more and more to cleaning the stalls (cleaning lots of horse poop and urine), watering the horses, and helping out with other barn chores. I became a little bored and started pulling out my phone a bit while working to play music and distract myself by texting friends. I was quickly reprimanded to pick up the pace and to put away my phone, and I deserved it. Even after that I've been dragging my feet a bit. A big part of my pride was just bitter that I had to shovel poop, as if I deserved something better. I called an old friend to talk it over, and I was offered some very humbling and very solid advice. I was complaining about having to shovel poop and wanting to work more with kids and make a difference and blah blah. He called me to a different perspective. In God's economy, Jesus says things like this:

33 They came to Capernaum; and when He was in the house, He began to question them, "What were you discussing on the way?" 34 But they kept silent, for on the way they had discussed with one another which of them was the greatest. 35 Sitting down, He called the twelve and said to them, "If anyone wants to be first, he shall be last and servant of all."
Mark 9: 33-35

The greatest among you will be your servant. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.
Matthew 23:11-12

For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.
Matthew 16:25

What completely counter-cultural advise to live by. I suppose it kind of makes sense though. If you're willing to do the job no one else wants to do and do it well, then it really shows that you're willing to do a good job anytime. If you look at the greats like Joseph and David, they were all pretty lowly earlier on in their stories. Joseph was in jail 10+ years before Pharoah discovered "the Lord was with Joseph" and put him in charge of everything. He didn't have much of a choice after being thrown in jail out of a false accusation, but God used him nonetheless. David was a shepherd for years before becoming the greatest king of Israel. I haven't really figured it all out yet, but I'll go with this advice. I'll shovel some poop and surrender my life to Jesus. I'll do some dirty work and trust that He's leading me in the right direction.

Where I work.

It's kind of a recent dream of mine to connect inner city kids, who I've had much experience with in WyldLife, to the great outdoors. I grew up running around in the woods, setting things on fire (sometimes with abysmal results), fighting trees with "swords" I'd grab from their branches, and making massive forts out of mud and dirt. Kids spend so much time now just sitting around. If there's anything I learned from doing WyldLife, there are a lot of kids out there who are just flat out bored. That's why they love to hang out so much. If they're at home then they're probably just watching SpongeBob. I won't knock SpongeBob because I love it, but I just can't help but think how great it would be if there was a place city kids could go, like once a week or so, where they could learn to shoot a bow and arrow, or go kayak, or go ride a horse. At this point, I don't think many of them would even want to do that kind of stuff because they're so darn lazy. But if schools could connect with a place like that and take kids out there for a day, I think it could really make a difference. It's all just thoughts running around in my head for now, but who knows, maybe shoveling poop now will open doors for later.

The Living Situation:

On another note, I've moved into a new apartment with a new roommate. It has a wall full of mirrors in the living room, which is awesome. It was a tough decision to move, but it had to be done. As my job situation changed, the cost of living I was able to afford did as well. What I'll miss most about my old place is the friends I made in my neighbors, but we'll be in touch. You don't hang out with people on a front porch for hours and hours and not hang out again in the future, especially when they're awesome. Also, God totally provided for the whole process of moving into a new place I could afford. Finding a roommate looking to move in at the same time, finding someone to sublease my old apartment at the right time, and finding a new place all happened just perfectly. Thanks be to God for that one.

HoggWyld:

Having the opportunity to volunteer for HoggWyld (Hogg Middle School WyldLife) has been a blast. Last week our club was just a huge list of things every group of kids had to complete and post on Instagram before everyone else in order to win. There were human pyramids, spirit posters, selfies in a mirror, among other things. They were all over it. Tomorrow I have the opportunity to give the talk. Last week we talked about how we all have our "jams", places we are in life that are just really, really hard. I'm going to share about one of my favorite stories of how Jesus showed up BIG time for his friends in a "jam", that being the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead (John 11). I'm a little nervous, but it'll be great.

Mirror selfie.

Other thoughts:

Side note: my Vincas are pwning the Houston Heat

If you know me well, you'll know that I haven't always thought very highly of myself. I walked through life a good 18 years before really walking with Jesus, and I spent most of my time assuming everything wrong with the world was my fault. I figured people treated me the way they did because I sucked. I had no perspective of myself, and it made me miserable. I'd always try to be someone I wasn't. I doubted myself. I was always afraid. I'd try to talk to pretty girls and say really stupid things. I never really knew who I was. I just assumed who I was based off what happened around me, and when you do that, you get a really bad image of who you are. I suppose the underlying story to all that's going on is that God's trying to show me that I'm not really half as much of the piece of crap I always thought I was. Even typing that I feel like I should explain all of the reasons I do suck, but I suppose that's a bit harsh. I would never tell a WyldLife kid or a friend or my little sisters reasons why they suck. Instead I would see any flaw as insignificant in light of how absolutely amazing of a person they are. You see a kid learning to walk, and you don't beat them down because they don't walk right away. You cheer them on because they're making the first steps in their life. I've been told God sees us in that way, as a parent watching his child learn to crawl, walk, run, and then go to the Olympics and win gold medals. He's proud every step of the way, because He can sees our heart, not our failures. And it helps to extend kindness to myself in that way, but I think God knows me well enough to know that I'll never truly believe something unless I go out and experience it. I'm a hands on learner. I hear things or read things and they help with the process, but I truly learn when I actually go out and do it, making mistakes and learning from them. So He's taking me on this grand adventure where I'm pretty poor and have no idea what I'm doing or where I'm going in life and showing me what He sees in me. It is not fun to think you are a piece of crap. So above all else, thanks be to God for Him taking me on an adventure to show me who I am.