Back in the struggle

I'm still rejoicing in what God has already done in my life, but I'm encountering something that is just slamming me in the gut. I'm attempting to study for my teacher certification course, and it's a lot freaking harder than I expected it to be. I figured it would be like what I learned in school, but it's not. It's all theoretical math. It's very abstract and I just don't get it very well. It's really hard for me to feel like I am absolutely incapable of doing something, which is kind of how I feel now...

I remember when I was a kid, back in like 7th grade, a particular story of similar struggle. I was doing math homework, and I just couldn't figure it out. I was so furiously frustrated, because I just didn't know how to do it. I wanted to, but I was so angry that I couldn't. I tried and tried and just couldn't get it. My dad even tried to help me with it, but I don't think I even wanted it. I wanted to be able to do it on my own. I eventually ripped my paper up and put it in the trash. It was a total rage quit. I think I remember getting it back out, taping it up, and turning in what I had finished so far. But I was obviously upset, and I never really resolved it.

It wasn't the first or last time I've encountered something I didn't have the capacity to conquer, and it certainly wasn't the first or last time I lost my temper because of it. I remember playing computer games as a 5 year old and pounding the keyboard in frustration at my loss. I remember rage quitting while playing soccer in the backyard with my dad because I couldn't score on him. Then there was the homework in 7th grade, and again I walked out of a math test in college because I couldn't figure it out. It was the only class I've ever made a D on... It's kind of funny looking back haha, but man I guess sometimes when you're in the moment and really upset, you just can't take it anymore and walking out works.

It is part of my story, a continual theme: I come across something I can't do and just flounder. I usually avoid those places because it just makes me angry, but I'm going to walk through this one differently. I'm going to invite Jesus here. It's a hard place, and it matters to me. I can't do this, and it's incredibly frustrating. So instead of rage quitting or avoiding it, I'll hang out with Jesus here and let Him do His thing. I'm confident He'll show up for me here.

Also, I'm just now seeing that Revenge of the Sith is on TV. Suuuuup.