Story Time: Being Mr. Mark

I've always thought that the point of walking with God and growing and maturing was to get to a point to where I didn't need anyone else. I tend to hide when I feel weak, and ironically (is that irony? I don't remember) I think it makes me weaker.

12 Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:12

Leave it to Bible to say something so obviously profound and use a metaphor with a rope.

This past week at school was brutal. Many of my students have no interest whatsoever in learning math or succeeding in school, and right now I'm still figuring out what to do about that. As I usually do when I'm struggling with something, I become extremely introverted and go sit in McDonald's to think about it all (which is where I am once again). This time though, I guess I'm finally realizing what I'm doing, and I don't think it's doing me any favors.

I don't think the greatest of stories are meant to be lived by yourself. In the Lord of the Rings, no one was alone. Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas were always together, even when Aragorn tried to go under the mountain to see the Army of the Dead by himself. His friends wouldn't let him go alone. Sam almost drowned to stay with Frodo and was with him until the end. Merry and Pippin were together until separated to be with other company. They didn't walk their path alone, and I don't think anyone else should either. With that in mind, I'm blogging because I love to write about things, and I'm also choosing to talk about what is going on with people instead of letting it get me down.

Anyway, here's the situation:

There are a few major reasons these kids don't want to learn:

Summer school: They know they can just go to summer school. There they can get free breakfast, lunch, and be spend time with their friends. There's nothing for them to do at home during the summer, so why not blow off class now and go where the party is?
They may be passed anyway: The district has a habit of passing kids who don't deserve to be passed. I don't know why that keeps happening, but it is not helping. Instead of helping kids learn how to use the Pythagorean Theorem, I end up spending time teaching them how to divide or teach them what a square root is. The kids have been passed on to us before they were ready to move on, and now it creates quite a mess. They need extra time from us that we can't always afford to give. It's like the district treats students like a car that's barely running. They'll use all of the duct tape and jerry rigs they can to get it working, but they'll never truly take it apart, give it a thorough examination, and give it a real reconstruction. They just keep piling on enough duct tape to get them through. And the kids know this, so they're reaction is, "why try?"
Home life: Many of their parents don't give a crap. In turn, they don't. I have many stories of kids caught up in the worst family situations. I won't share them here, but it's sad. Their lives are being destroyed by their parents.

I've tried to make them work by being a jerk, and I did not like that. I've never been a very stern person, and I don't know why I thought bullying them with consequences would make them want to learn. The kids who usually received detention continually came back for the same reasons. It never changed their heart or made them want to actually start paying attention. It seemed pointless to me, but I kept on because I didn't know what else to do. I guess I figured I needed to be really hard, really stern, and really cold to get things done, but that's just not who I am. It wasn't natural for me. I'm considering it in a different way now.

I've thought often of how similar my situation with my students is to how we relate to God. God doesn't control us. He doesn't force us to do anything. Even though He knows better and knows that we may die because of our choices, He allows us the will to chose. If you look at the Prodigal Son story, the father in the story doesn't reprimand the kid for being disrespectful or for choosing to run away and squander everything. He lets it happen. I don't think that is weakness. I think it is confidence. I think the father was confident that his son had to make his own choices and learn from them to really learn anything at all, and I think he was also confident that when the son had no where else to go, then he would choose to be with his father once more. I feel God does the same with us. Love can only exist out of choice. God wants real love, not controlled love.

It's not an exact parallel, but I suppose in the same way, there's nothing I can do to make these kids do anything. I can't truly control their heart. I can advise them, counsel them, guide them, lend them a hand, give them opportunity, give them a chance, give them an ear or a shoulder, but I can't make them want to learn. They have to want it.

This is my plan for now:

After school tutorials all day, erry day: The time I love the most is spent tutoring kids during lunch or after school. That's where I can really get into their head, really see how they learn, and really speak into their heart and mind. It also lets me get to know them and becomes a place where I'm much more approachable. There's no agenda, nothing to get done in class that has to be done, there's just a teacher and a student and the sacred exchange of wisdom and knowledge from one to another.
Calling parents: Myself and my teacher partner have been calling parents recently. For some kids, all we get is a disconnected number. For others, we talk with their parents and nothing changes. For others, there's an amazing difference in the kid's level of participation after you get their parent involved.
Give them a break: These kids didn't grow up like me. I make a lot of generalizations when I talk about them, and I know that. But those generalizations are often true. Many of them don't have safe neighborhoods. Many of them grow up around parents far different than mine. Many of them grow up with far less money than my family did. As far as nature vs. nurture is concerned, their nurture has been very poor. Some of them don't have English as a first language. Most of them are minorities. Not to say they don't have the ability to overcome it, but they have a bit steeper of a hill to climb. I'm quick to think, "How the heck do you not know how to long divide?" "Why are you whistling in class?" "Why are you cussing like that in the classroom?" "Why do you think it's okay to pop a girl's bra strap?" It goes on haha. Honestly though, as a good friend of mine has told me, that's just what they know.

I don't think this is a hopeless story. It's just one I haven't quite figured out yet. It's teaching me a lot about myself, and despite its difficulty, I still love this job. I just can't continue to try and do it alone.

I'll close with some pictures.