I d k

I gotta keep the stream of random nature pictures coming. #punny

I'll admit, I am confused. I've noticed lately that I am wanting something, but I do not know exactly what it is I want. I've had hints and hunches about what it is, but I just honestly don't know. It is a deep longing. It influences so much of who I've been and what I've done the last few days and really my whole life. I watch movies with great stories of heroes and adventurers and long to have my own story reflect theirs. I think about this blog a lot, and I don't like that. It frustrates me that I've thought about it so much. I want to write about my honest stories of meeting God, not what I've thought about as the best possible thing to write all day. I tried to stop thinking about it, but that didn't work. It was treating the symptom, and that never works. Regardless, the desire underneath why I love stories of heroes and adventurers or why I have thought about what to say on this blog so much still exists. I don't know what else to do with it but take it to Jesus and just wait. If there's one thing I hope I never doubt its the generosity of God. He may not give me a girlfriend or a position as Captain on the Starship Enterprise, but I know He'll meet me in the reason I want those things in the first place. Side note: I am forever and always a Star Wars fan, but I did watch the recent Star Trek movie and it was really awesome (hence the Starship Enterprise reference...). It is just confusing. I guess I'm a problem solver at heart and I always try to think things through. I'm learning more and more that is not the case with God. If I were to solve all of my problems by thinking things through, if I were even capable of comprehending the complexity of my heart and soul, I would miss the greatest opportunity to be loved well by God. Thats the whole point of it all anyway, knowing Him more intimately. All of my desires are found someway or another in knowing Him as a best friend or a Father or (and I feel a little weird saying this) a lover. "I don't know" is definitely the most frequently used phrase in my journal, but it is a good place to be with a faithful God. So thats where I'm at right now... waiting.

I'm reminded of and always loved this Psalm for times like these. David was a poet fasho.


1 As the deer pants for streams of water,
   so my soul pants for you, my God.
2 My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
   When can I go and meet with God?
-Psalm 42